Oh, the irony.
Yesterday we, the Who Dat Nation, held our collective breath. For about 4 hours. Drew Brees was up next on ESPN! To talk about contract stuff!!!! OmG!! We’ll never get those 4 hours back, because it was all for squat. He was having a press conference to promote his celebrity golf tournament next month. After hours of delays, we got the clip. “Yes, we’re working diligently on a long-term contract that we hope can get done sooner than later, and in the meantime, I just got a few grand for tricking you all into watching ESPN for the entire afternoon.”
Disclaimer: That might not have been an exact quote.
Now look, I don’t have anything against Drew Brees. He’s my hero too. This contract stuff is just business, it’s a little unprecedented, and it takes time. I get that, and I’m not angry (not about that, anyway).
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Maybe the only good guy left.
Audiotapegate? Team meetinggate? Speechgate? What should we go with today? This audio tape is such garbage. It has produced the best faux outrage of any development in the bounty saga, and that’s saying a hell of a lot. When a guy named “QBKilla” on twitter started hollering about the most “egregious thing in the history of the game,” the hyperbolemeter quit working. “<<Error: hyperbole unmeasurable>>” The media are piling on, again, and boy, isn’t the timing perfect. Shut up. Everyone just stop it. Stop pretending every new development is shocking. The only thing shocking about the Gregg Williams audio was just how bad Gregg Williams was at pregame speeches. Jesus. No wonder our defense sucked. “Uninspiring” is an understatement.
Realize something: I’m not saying that I like what Gregg Williams says in the video. That needs to be made clear. If you can’t win a game without targeting another players freakin’ ACLs, you probably aren’t doing your job very well (and we all know the quality of Williams’s work over the last two years). Sure, it happens a lot. The Giants targeted concussions specifically within a week of this speech, it was reported heavily, and nothing happened. Bounties have existed for years; just turn on NFL network for a few minutes and I’m sure you’ll see a pretty lame Top Ten countdown glorifying them in some way between ridiculously-long commercial breaks. That said, no amount of history or the existence of any culture excuses Williams’s speech. He was out of control, a lunatic – and I’m glad he is no longer in New Orleans. But he’s not the biggest piece of trash we’ve heard from in the last 24 hours. We’ll get to that soon.
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They're wearing police uniforms. It doesn't exactly capture the essence of the 2012 Saints, does it?
I told you, didn’t I? Loomis is king, man. I thought he was done for now, but even I underestimated the guy. How good do you have to be at your job when a blog anointing you as the one true Football God underestimates your ability? I had already forgotten about Hawthorne. We got our guy. Weakened that franchise-not-to-be-named in that funny-smelling city to the North and East, while making a huge leap on defense ourselves. And then, when nobody was looking, boom goes the dynamite. Hawthorne’s a Saint. The crowd goes wild.
But with that final (or not?) piece in place at the linebacker position, the old phenomenon rears its ugly head. Every time a team signs an inordinate number of linebackers in one offseason, the fans start howling with joy. “THREE FOUR!” they proclaim. Yep, we have more linebackers than we need, so we must be going to a 3-4 base set. Come on over and sit down. We need to talk.
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As punishment for bountygate, Sean Payton is forced to participate in a Jimmy Buffett concert.
It’s appeal week, Who Dats. And every one of us has a different opinion on what’s going to happen behind the closed doors of the commissioner’s office. Will Payton and Loomis and Vitt go in and let the commissioner have it? Will they throw red paint on the commish’s new suit and be dragged out by their heels screaming “Hypocrite!” while Goodell’s secretary gasps in horror? Or will they go groveling to the man on their knees, begging for their jobs, as one local media member suggests from atop a horse so high it defies the laws of physics?
I don’t know. We’ll never know. One must assume that someone within the organization has actually seen the document that we’re supposed to believe is 50,000 pages long. (Let’s see. I have a 500-page ream of paper on my desk right now. Just eyeballing it, I’d say it’s about an inch or so thick. Has anyone seen a Fed-Ex guy with an 8-foot stack of paper enter the Saints facility?)
We haven’t seen that evidence, and judging from this scrupulous league office’s history, there are a dozen interns shoveling paperwork into a burn pit at a pace that would make State Farm executives blush so that we never will. We’re told that there are emails, and some game notes, and, uh, well, 49,901 more pages of very damning stuff, or something.